Single White Male Seeking Parents Who Don't Love Ridiculous Hats

I try to be hip. I text, I blog, I'm considering twitter when I learn to crawl. But my parents cramp my style all the time. First, Dad put me in a silly hat of some animal called a "penguin." I looked up that animal. It is a flightless bird. I mean, really, do we need to call any additional attention to the fact that I am immobile? Dad says that his friends at work hooked him up with the hat, so I guess I should blame them for the number of dates I will miss out on due to this picture.

And if that weren't bad enough, Momma put me in another silly hat that can only be described as insulting.

I tried to recover from the shame by going on a finger-food binge.

It made me temporarily happy, but please, enough with the silly hats...